Sunday, November 30, 2008

Duniya mein kitna gham hai........mera ghum to bahut kam hai

"i wonder in the forest of misfortunes,maladies,misery,walking on the bedrock of callous dismay,with the canopy of denigration overhead,occasionaly encountering a ray of hope,of relief,of belief..........but only occasionaly!
for me there are more potholes than is the road,more darkness than is the light,more throes than are dreams,more thorns than are......."
this is a part of what i was to post in this blog next.a lot of time had gone into it.i wanted it to b the tell-it-all of my life and the best of my writings.for once,just for once,i was ready to part with my habit of typing without hitting the backspace.
but now i feel like i am making too much out of nothing(rai ka pahaad,as they say).
picture this:an infant,recently orphaned,with a nanny,in a foreign country,too small to even have memories of his parents to dwell upon when he grows up.
is my pain larger than his?
or picture this:a middle-aged woman,bubbly,full of life but strong headed who was more than just a teacher to many of the students she came across,fell to terror bullets after she was told that it was safe to leave after a 6 hour long hide-out under a dinner table.
is my pain more than those she left behind?her husband,two daughters,colleagues,students....
absoloutely not.

this mumbai incident has forced me to have another look at life.i have had my share of tragedies(and i am going to have many more,i guess)but none have been or rather cudn't be so painful as of losing someone near and heart weeps for those who have lost their kith and kin in the fateful attacks.everywhere out there,is a stench of distrust,insecurity,fear....

this has not only exposed the vulnerability of our defence,the incompetence of our intelligence agencies but also of the impartial nature of hazards-that they do not differentiate betweeen who is who and who has what.till now,the sufferers were mainly from the middle and lower middle class,but this time the elite class were the victims.this means none of us are actually safe.
could the NRIs in their mid-20s in the taj,here in india, to chill out,have fun and meet with old friends,have imagined in their wildest dreams that this would be their last tour?
but then this is the beauty of life."yeh upar waale ka sense of humour bhee badaa ajeeb hai"-to quote kajol in pyar to hona hi tha.

the only silver lining is that this incident has united us even more.the cheers of vande maataram and bharat mata kee jai outside the terror spots were both heartening and inspiring.those men-in-spotlight-right-now might have killed many a innocent life and a few of our bravehearts but they have not been able to,neither will they ever be able to kill our unity,brotherhood and out-for-each-other nature.they will never be able to snatch our pride of being indians.they might have taken away life from many indian families,but they have rekindled our pan-indianness.
sarfaroshee ki tamanna ab hamare dil mein hai
dekhna hai zor kitna baazue kaatil mein hai
jai hind!

Friday, November 7, 2008


Apologies to those waiting for my second blog post. I know I should have done it earlier, but then, I had nothing to write on. you may tell I could have started from where I had left, but, do you really want me to bore you again with a sad little story of a silly little girl? (not silly in that sense, I got 95% in 10th.......lollz.......) as i pondered over a thousand topics, I finally zeroed in on 'teenage n the 101 problems dat come wid it'. the topic allows me to touch upon many a sad little story of myriad girls (n not silly or little) n boys if i may add.

"blessed be childhood,which brings down something of heaven into the midst of our rough earthliness", "childhood itself is more lovely than a cheerful,kindly,sunshiny old age", "sweet are the 
memories of childhood"...............blah,blah,blah!And the memories of teenage?

For most of us the most interesting, energetic, ............, ......................, .................., (the gaps are for you to fill up) and dat deserves to be the most eventful period of our life passes away in the blink of an eye,quite uneventfully. REASON? we are too caught up with our past and our future to relish our present.

OK, the first couple of years into teenage, we don't actually realise that we are now a different kettle of fish. And when our senses finally come to senses, we already have a hundred and one things to deal with. We seem to be hurt by every Tom, Dick and Harry who comes our way. And then, we hav our good old parents, grandparents and aunties to deal with. They say it happens at this age; talking about our pimples, totally unaware of what is happening in our life other than what appears on the outside.
The giant waves rising in the raging heart of a teenager rarely come to one's notice. And the list goes on.......
but, should we really care that these big, old, wise people do not care about us when we ourselves do not care about us? Do we really make any effort to make this tumultous phase of ours, a memorable one?
a very few of us would say YES.
Bcoz we are too busy with other things to be aware of this side of the wall. Think about it. How many times have you thought that you are unique, that you are special, that you are mature enough to atleast decide which soap and which shampoo you want to use? (I have still not got the freedom to do it, my parents still think of me as a babyy..........but see, I revolt every time and they have started taking me seriously instead of brushing my hair and smiling sheepishly) How many times have you seriously made an effort to be appreciated in a gathering, say a party or a picnic or the school camp? Or are you satisfied with sumone else stealing the show always? How many times have you told your friends how they matter to you?

Dear friends, this phase of life, is, so to say, a difficult and consequently for some, an inexpressive one. I am not endorsing PDA (public display of affection). I am not telling you either to wear your heart on your sleeves. The thing is dont let the things in your heart to die in your heart. It is important to realise that, at this age, as my frnd explained to me the other day, we start to flaunt our temper more often and hence start losing frnds quickly. Try rubbing them the other way, you may start by flashing a more occasional smile, or giving a small genuine compliment to everyone you meet, and see you will have more and more reasons of having to stop worry about your life. Do something worth remembering everyday. Do something eventful. Don't worry if people still don't understand you, still don't appreciate you. Don't let those complaining Thomases affect u, your thinking a how you want to lead your life. Listen to your elders, but you yourself be the one to take the ultimate decisions. Don't be arrogant, as we quite often become, dare I repeat, at this age. Explain to them, politely, if they don't understand, give them time to understand. I mean to say, go ahead with your decision. Do what you love doing (not to be taken in negative sense), and don't let others define what you love. Forget about the past, prepare for your future, but................enjoy life to da hilt. You know, you will not get to be a teenager again!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Why This Blog?

I try hard to resist my urge for writing, but then, you can't stay away for long from or forget your first love. Talking about first love, it is said that it gives u a lot of pain. But lo! what love is true love if it is sans pain. You may ask now why I keep away from writing.
Actually, it is not me that does not want to write. It is the fear inside the closed, dark tin of my heart, the fear that I may spill some dark beans, some unknown- 2- the- world secrets, some issues that I am not supposed to share with the world, a few songs that are meant to die unsung in that dark closed box called my heart, that stops me from writing.
Besides that, to be brutally frank, there is another fear. Fear that I may write things like, 'the world is full of bullshit" n things like that. Fear that I may vent out my anger{which I usually don't , knowingly or unknowingly, at each and every person who has hurt me. Fear that I may not b able to control myself. Fear that I may use the mighty sword in a wrong way, that I may lose the limited number of friends that I have, that I may lose the good girl image that I have held on for16 years, that I may lose the confidence of my parents, if ,in any way, they come to know about what I write.
SO, then, what propelled me to do what I was determined not to lately?
The answer is discovery.

Yes, I m on a tour of discovery to this world and I recently discovered something.
NO, that did not annoy me. Neither did I burst into tears. It didn't please me either. Sort of CONFUSED I am. I have not been able to sort it out that why the.......I would better not continue.
THe limited friends that I earlier talked about are not friends anymore, or to be accurate, they were never my friends, only it was me, the foolish girl, who took them to be friends. But I m not annoyed at that, better late than never, at least I came to know about them bfore any damage. I m not pleased either for the number of friends I had was at least something I could give a name to-"limited". But now it will be ZERO. This will soon be termed as 'attitude problem' as my Dad calls it, when he finds out. But this was not half as shocking as some things that happened to me or probably bcoz I had no more tears, I didn't cry either.
SO, in this vast and beautiful world, I recently discovered that there is no one so as to call "my friend". I discovered that though I have always tried to love each and every person I have met, there is hardly anyone who loves me. Or may be I hav not found that person yet. NO matter how much the person might love me, my first love will always remain my first love, if not my only love. SO, I have decided not to care bout what the world has to say anymore. I'll go all out and write whatever I want to. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Let them say what they want. I won't care. For I m in love- with WRITING.