Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Why This Blog?

I try hard to resist my urge for writing, but then, you can't stay away for long from or forget your first love. Talking about first love, it is said that it gives u a lot of pain. But lo! what love is true love if it is sans pain. You may ask now why I keep away from writing.
Actually, it is not me that does not want to write. It is the fear inside the closed, dark tin of my heart, the fear that I may spill some dark beans, some unknown- 2- the- world secrets, some issues that I am not supposed to share with the world, a few songs that are meant to die unsung in that dark closed box called my heart, that stops me from writing.
Besides that, to be brutally frank, there is another fear. Fear that I may write things like, 'the world is full of bullshit" n things like that. Fear that I may vent out my anger{which I usually don't , knowingly or unknowingly, at each and every person who has hurt me. Fear that I may not b able to control myself. Fear that I may use the mighty sword in a wrong way, that I may lose the limited number of friends that I have, that I may lose the good girl image that I have held on for16 years, that I may lose the confidence of my parents, if ,in any way, they come to know about what I write.
SO, then, what propelled me to do what I was determined not to lately?
The answer is discovery.

Yes, I m on a tour of discovery to this world and I recently discovered something.
NO, that did not annoy me. Neither did I burst into tears. It didn't please me either. Sort of CONFUSED I am. I have not been able to sort it out that why the.......I would better not continue.
THe limited friends that I earlier talked about are not friends anymore, or to be accurate, they were never my friends, only it was me, the foolish girl, who took them to be friends. But I m not annoyed at that, better late than never, at least I came to know about them bfore any damage. I m not pleased either for the number of friends I had was at least something I could give a name to-"limited". But now it will be ZERO. This will soon be termed as 'attitude problem' as my Dad calls it, when he finds out. But this was not half as shocking as some things that happened to me or probably bcoz I had no more tears, I didn't cry either.
SO, in this vast and beautiful world, I recently discovered that there is no one so as to call "my friend". I discovered that though I have always tried to love each and every person I have met, there is hardly anyone who loves me. Or may be I hav not found that person yet. NO matter how much the person might love me, my first love will always remain my first love, if not my only love. SO, I have decided not to care bout what the world has to say anymore. I'll go all out and write whatever I want to. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Let them say what they want. I won't care. For I m in love- with WRITING.

5 comments:

  1. hi sweety.......
    first of all.......i admire ur language.....its jst awesome...

    with da title, u gave an impression dat u r goin to tell abt ur love(dat col guy).........u surprised me.....by expressing ur love for writing as ur first love.......

    it reflects how lonely u r feeling at this particular age of ur life.wat u r doin is perfect i.e. loving & feeling evry one as ur friend.....dats really gud....but at da same time......i observed u r very sensitive...the world comprises of so many people of various kinds of behaviour...but as a friend u should accept them or else dont take them to ur heart...
    and ur father is also correct..even i too faced such attitude problems...but now wat im doin is habituating multiple attitudes or global attitude which will help u to mingle with any kind of people...
    u shud continue this habit of writing....its my wish....i really got a feeling of reading an article of a real scholar...

    finally.........

    you hav done an awesome job....
    taking leave wishing u all the success in the future....

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  2. dear sudha,
    Its awesome.........grt job for a first blog. I can totally associate or rather identify with ur writing...i knw the feeling.....I have been through all of it....actually I am not quite sure wether I am out of it...but still.....Its a hrrble feeling to realise tat the ppl u thought were frnds rnt actually wat they pretended to be sudha, I think we are lucky. Atleast we were able to recognise the double crosser frnds of ours for who they really are.....I have been hurt a bit too many times, But Sudha,bad times r always replaced by grt times and mayb we both will find a true frnd one day....best of luck

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  3. hii honey...

    gud work.....
    very well designed by u sudha ...i am very much impressed by ur work..

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  4. The frankness n to-the-point language of urs is realy impressive....the Discovery has began..and so as I discovered as good writer n person, here...!!

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  5. thank u soooo much karthik bhaiyya, suktara, aditya and abhinav.....m touched by ur generous compliments....:).....neways, i miss ur comments...really :(

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Hey there! Your comment might prove to be just the push needed for me to write more frequently and with a bit more thought and planning. Do take out a minute or two and tell me what you felt about this blog or this post of mine and any suggestions you think might prove to be useful. Your comment is highly awaited...