Thursday, April 12, 2012

On your birthday

I always doubted whether you could ever understand me.
Your chirpy, bubbly personality is in direct contrast with my silent demeanor. You are always brimming with energy and as an offshoot perhaps, you have always been pretty quick in your judgement and impulsive in your decisions. You are frighteningly straightforward and do not hesitate to show your emotions. Chalk and cheese couldn't be more different than how different we are from each other!
I could never see how your wonderfully expressive nature could find any sense in my totally inexpressive self. Yet that you understand how much I love you and that you show your love for me in exactly the same way as I appreciate it is a testimony to how well you understand me and how severely I used to underestimate the understanding between us. 

I know you will never come to read this Mamma, so I'll go all out and express what I think of you today.



You are not my role model; you have never been so, for I may copy your peripheral traits Mamma and succeed in making them my second nature, but I'll still be pathetically far from what you are. You are a typical Ariean woman- energetic, zestful, spontaneous, trusting, elegant, dynamic, assertive and confident. Though these are qualities it would be great to imbibe in myself, I still can never aspire to be like you. I don't dare to. The reason being that howsoever I might try to be like you, I can never have that single trait which makes you totally out of my reach- selflessness. Not that I worship selflessness, far from that. But it goes to show just how different we are and yet how secure we are in our understanding of each other.
It is totally beyond my understanding how a person can annihilate oneself in the love of another and be blissful yet. It appears uncanny that one has absolutely no interest in working for one's own happiness and finds her happiness and achievement in that of those around her. I find it impossible to fathom how one can keep increasing one's threshold of suffering time and time again and fervently keep to the faith of tomorrow-will-be-a-better-day without blinking an eye. Perhaps these are the traits that make a 'mother' and I sometimes feel like I am what I am so as to be able to appreciate you fully.


But someday, I am sure, I will understand all of these Mama. I am YOUR daughter, after all.


 If I don't feel homesick even though there is no other place I love more than our little aashiyana, it is courtesy you. If I don't feel the need to possess those whom I love, it is courtesy you. If I am said to be more mature than what girls are at my age, it is courtesy you. If I am a good orator, it is courtesy you. If I am haughty, again it is courtesy you :D


There is so much I owe to you, so much you have done for me without realising their worth that I sometimes get overwhelmed pondering whether I love you as much as you love me, in fact all those around you. This capacity of yours to love, love for no reason and with no expectations is again something that makes you stand on a pedestal I don't see myself reaching very soon. The least I can do today as my appreciation and gratitude for it is give you my promise to never let you down. In addition to that, hopefully I'll also make you proud (more than I already have LOL).


Mamma wish you a very happy birthday :)



P.S. I love you more than you think I do Mamma :)




6 comments:

  1. whatever i wud say for this divine shadow we are living beneath wud be too short. mamas are such a majestic creature of god and deity of love, care, and everything we cud crave for on this earth.
    salute to motherhood.
    and keep ur worth writing up forever..
    god bless you sudha..:)
    and plz keep in touch yaar.

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    1. Your comment is much appreciated Prateek since u yourself write so well. And thanks for the shifarish with God for blessing me :D
      Now dat m no longer on fb, i guess the only way we cn keep in touch is through mails. Here's my email id- sudha10092@gmail.com. Do tell me all that I hav missed since leaving facebook :)

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  2. Brutally honest, vivid and firm.
    Beautifully constructed.

    Just that it's slightly disturbing how the post makes me sad..

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot :) And I am happy it could make you sad...you know, for something to make us sad, it needs to touch our soul in a way that no humorous words can...Now I am not praising myself, only wanted to enlighten u in my little way LOL.
      Do keep breezing past...

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